Well, I am blogging on here because well, it's a blog, and facebook isn't appreciated enough. Anyway, life, or whatever. I am a perfectionist, and a pessimist. We try as humans to make life perfect, to derive some meaning from the nonsense equation by which we live our lives. That perfectionistic attitude, coupled with the inevitable let down of life's imperfections leads me at least to see that life is not perfect, can't ever be, Soul mates are in our heads, the perfect kiss the perfect date, the perfect situation, the perfect job... DONT EXIST, and to be completely honest, I think it's foolish to think that they do, now, you can be naive all you want, but one day you have to actually look at life and say, "well damn, what have I been doing?" And I hope you get to that day soon, or your existance will be a meaningless one. But then again, what is meaning? Who determines life's meaning, who can tell us what meaning actually is but ourselves, but can we even tell ourselves that?
We can but are we ever truely sure of our answer? Are we ever sure of any of our choices? We can't go back and "Do Over" so, do you think you have made the right choices? Do you ask "what if" at every turn? Can you predict the future? Can you figure out the best course of action? Is what you are doing right now the best thing for you? How can you be so sure?
I leave you with this, "How many roads must a man walk down, before coming to the conclusion he has been walking in circles?"
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Well first of all, perfectionism and pessimism are all a state of mind. A pessimist can be an optimist if they choose. If you think optimistically, perfection will seem less important. If you are living in a way where you appreciate every single moment maybe more things will seem perfect. The perfect kiss, date, and situation may not happen, but it doesn't mean that a kiss, date, or situation has to be less than magical.
Is our existence meaningless? Who determines that? You do(and God if you choose). We all have to come to a point in our lives where we decide if our life has meaning and what we can do to make it mean something. I applaud that you have come to this point. Yet, think this way. Would you be thinking that your life is meaningless if it didn't have meaning? Why worry about meaning if it doesn't exist? Where did that capacity come from? Also, its probably better to find meaning than to wonder whether there is any. I encourage you to look for it.
As for regrets, no, you can not go back. You can learn from mistakes though. Maybe learning from them is what life is all about. Most of the time, you get a second chance. So, learn from your mistakes, move forward. What else can you do? There are no magic answers to life. Stop saying what if. You'll never have a life if you're just worrying about your decision. Seek guidance. Look at your options. Make a decision. Live.
Plus, if you want to think in a God way. The world isn't perfect because of the devil. He destroyed perfection. If you do believe in God and his sovereignty, look to him for answers. He's glad to answer them. Yet, remember that you may never completely understand as much as you'd like to. See 1 Corinthians 1:18-31.
P.S.
You're not walking in a circle (or chasing after the wind)if you're a different person with every pass.
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